Before Destruction

It’s never easy to go through a personal struggle, especially when you do it alone. Within the past month I’ve gone from great to good to terrible to decent to terrible (again!) and then back to decent. I’ve seen a very dark corner of my life and had some wretched days that I hope to never return to again. As of right this moment, I’m doing alright but I know it can change at any time.

Probably the hardest and most frustrating part about going through adversity alone is the fact that you are fighting yourself at every corner. Every single decision, every single thought and feeling is against yourself. You try and figure things out, analyze things, explain the reasons for events and actions but you have no second objective entity to bounce ideas off of, all you got is yourself. And being you, you almost always come to the same conclusions quickly. And before you know it you’ve just reassured everything you first proposed, only throwing out the truly insane ideas (or maybe not?).

Instead of returning down that path (I’ve done it before and it is not pretty) I’ve decided to ignore searching for “real” answers and just take what I’ve been given as the answer. Though not always applicable to all personal struggles, mine in particular should be easier this way. To be honest, I cringed right there when I typed out “easier”, because frankly it’s not easier. A better word for it might be salvageable, or carry-able? Regardless, I basically mean that in not trying to analyze too far and to go out and get that answer that I need to move on. Instead I’m taking what I’ve been given and working with that and using it as the answer to move on and to try to clean up the mess that has been made.

Anyways, I’ll be making more posts more frequently on a variety of stuff and I’ll be updating the blog itself so hopefully everything goes to plan this time (:

*Cough* *Cough*


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